A guilty secret
I remember playing with some beads when I was small, and noticing that I could get my finger inside one. I idly wondered if I could put it up my nose. I could. However, I couldn't get it out again, and eventually pushed it so far I couldn't reach it. I daren't tell my mum for WEEKS. Eventually I 'fessed up and a nice doctor stuck some scissors up my nose and got it down. He asked if I wanted to keep it, but I passed. I still remember it was yellow, though.
Gotta love a work dream
I had the oddest dream last night.
I was doing a pitch to about 30-40 people - the (small) room was packed, anyway. They were a bit rowdy and I was having to raise my voice to make myself heard.
Suddenly one of the audience jumped up and came towards me, mouthing 'ignore me' so I did and carried on, after which he came up behind me and groped my arse. The audience whooped and cheered and gave a rousing round of applause. This seemed to encourage him and I had to slap him to get him off me.
Anyway, I continued talking about whatever marvellous online solution I was flogging(!) but started losing my voice. Then my former boss, who I'd not noticed till then, pipes up from a corner, with helpful thoughts - 'You're losing your voice, you're losing them, you're losing it completely,' at which point I fainted, coming round outside with colleagues. Probably fucked that one up then. And that was the end of the dream.
My subconscious is worse than any pitch I have done, thankfully.
Parents F*ck You Up
My mother is delusional and paranoid* and yet still finds otherwise sane and intelligent people to help her in her crusade to persecute my father.
My father, on the other hand, is stubborn to the point of absurdity. It is within very simple means for him to completely prevent her from carrying out her aims, but for some reason he refuses. If you challenge him directly he says he'll think about it, and that's the end of that conversation.
The wider family come to me and ask "Why don't you tell him to do X." As if I've never thought of those things! FFS, leave me be. I am not my parents' referee, even if they will insist on fighting quite so much.
And that's how you end up as the product of a pair of divorcees who've lavished money and attention on their darling 21 year old court battle. Never mind the 2 living children caught in the crossfire.
* I don't say those things about her lightly. Last year she asked me if I was getting involved with the New World Order (we'd think of them as the Lizard People). She made David Icke sound sane.